Detached being attached 

Meera couldn’t figure out what was happening with her.

She had lost the joys she got at each achievement. It didn’t matter anymore.

She had lost the happiness of seeing wishes fulfilled. It didn’t matter anymore.

She was no longer saddened to at undergoing material loss. It didn’t matter anymore.

Failures failed to down her spirits and success didn’t elate her moods.

Was she turning wooden with time? Were her sentiments going through a grind?

It was a much awaited moment of her life- her daughter’s wedding. Yet, her happiness seemed like a pretense to herself, for she wasn’t happy the way she would have been in the days of ignorance. Ignorance- that had nurtured possessions, possessiveness, material gain, name, fame, greed all in a stride. 

She was happy undoubtably at seeing her pretty daughter in the rich wedding attire that had spiritual as well as designer etiquette attached. The beautician had done a marvelous job of enhancing the glow on her face and she wondered about how her little girl suddenly appeared to be a woman. Yet, her heart didn’t skip a beat as would be expected. She seemed to accept everything with a quintessential attitude and moved on with the flow of events. She had a check on her emotions as her child became a Missus from a Miss. Perhaps the world had wanted to see her tears flow out but her heart was in acceptance of yet another move of a pawn in the game called life. Was the separation really a separation? Wasn’t each person separate from one another anyway? Wasn’t each person despite being separate as a form, still a manifestation of the One Supreme Soul? 

She did shed a few tears in her own solitude, when once she saw her child make a move from her house to his own house. But, that was back in the days of ignorance. Now she reflects back as an observer of her past. Was this really her house? Was it really his house? She was happy to see him live with his spouse – for she was no longer bound and she no longer bound him. She had gifted him the independent life he deserved, being unselfish about her own loving motherly fondness. She had chosen her first step to liberation.

Meera, who had brought up her children with very close care and perfection suddenly seem to be distanced from them as their little hurts and gains didn’t affect her as they should have. Her husband’s big loss at work and the critical time of economic crunch was weighing him down heavily. Meera knowingly appeared oblivious of the problems and wished to continue with life, the way she had been doing – giving equal attention to household chores, spiritual inclinations as well as social commitments. Her family was finding it difficult to grasp that she wasn’t worried of the future that could bring in harsh times for them.

She had somehow foreseen this situation much ahead of time, gave out a warning but when her thoughts weren’t appreciated by those around her, she chose to go silent about it and let fate play it’s part. She did that not due to any feeling of hurt though. It was simply a karmic cycle that she felt they needed to experience and learn their lessons with time. She was there to play her part in the field of life and they had their own individual parts to play. She had taken responsibility of her family when it was required and when her offspring were younger. Now, the grown up, mature men and women of her life had reversed roles of being responsible for their own families. 

The actions of others were no longer her responsibility for she chose to live her life devoid of the attachment to their actions. She was in her own peace, in single piece, undivided by their dependence or demands that she still fulfilled. She worked with a witness state – where she observed her own thoughts, actions and words and tried to evaluate herself rather than checking on others . 

Yet, there are duties that she must fulfill and responsibilities that she must continue to hold forth. She had decided to carry on continuing in the worldly moves without getting sucked into them. It was a mere formality of life and living – just as eating, drinking, cooking, reading and writing. The greater responsibility towards her family wasn’t discarded by her but she had learnt to be unattached whilst performing her play. 

As Bhagwan Krishna says in the Bhagwad Geeta – she was learning to be in a singularity of herself- unaffected by Sukh or dukh ( pleasure or pain), loss or gain, highs or lows, success or failures, fruits or thorns, perfection or flaws.

In the process she noticed, life can be easier and simpler if her own injury didn’t affect her spirit and she could move around unhesitatingly with a swollen, disfigured, scarred face caused by an injury. This was definitely a new herself she was observing who cared not for her outer appearance and nor for her outer observers. Her soul was at ease, in acceptance, in her own inner joy despite the physical trauma and pain her body experienced. The critical period in her work situation and financial instability, the concern about family members health issues all seemed to be mere lessons and actions in some way and didn’t deter her from practicing her inner silence and stay detached being attached.