She felt suffocated. Suffocated in her own surroundings,

The joy had somehow slipped away from her life and each day of life was a mere responsibility. They all had their own agendas and pretenses of priorities that left her with no freedom to live by her own priorities. She wondered if those ‘sanskaras’ of devoting her life to the family members had borne any fruits at all. 

When they were young, they needed all her attention – or so she thought. She was always there for each moment of their growth – teaching them, nurturing them, feeding them, dressing them, giving basic tips on grooming and etiquette, making them able and independent. And then, suddenly one day – she realized she was like a waste paper on their busy desk of life. Their lives had no place for her. Yet, they behaved as if they owned her.

Owned her?  Yes, they expected Meera to live on their terms. Her choices in food had long back vanished. She had no vasanas ( desires) left to fulfill. Who cared about the aching heart that she carried within her. She was living day in, day out, just to fulfill her duties catering to their routines and appetites.

She hadn’t realized when the changes started affecting her freedom gradually in various ways.

She had moved on from cooking her favorite meals to those of her husband, her in laws and then her children. And, when they grew up, she even catered to tastes of her grand children. None of the foods excited her any more. She cooks even today, every day. Yet, she doesn’t find anything exciting in the food now. Gone were those tendencies to try new dishes, new recipes – it was now a mundane chore.

Meera had moved away from watching the television long back. She reflected on the days , when her husband would come home and pass rude remarks if he found her watching the television. Often she would hurriedly turn it off in fear, upon hearing the doorbell – just to avoid any rebuke. She lost the charm of entertaining herself with the daily soaps and movies though the rest of the family enjoy it all unabashedly every day. It often gives her a distaste when she finds them so engrossed viewing tele and ignore her presence at times.

She had once wanted to live an active social life and attend social events, dress up, meet friends, have coffee afternoons, movie mornings but the restrictions on her movements and her each outing being answerable to them, curbs on her transport and commuting to places and even restricted wallet had turned her to become a docile housewife and the desire to freedom seemed like a distant dream each day. How she wished for just a day, if not more, to go out on her own, meet whoever she wants, eat wherever she fancies, attend the shows of her choice, participate in events of her choice without having to give details of any of it to any of them. After all, hadn’t they all been doing just that.

Meera who once used to revel in the fine garments and rich jewelry started realizing that these were mere items of material value that displayed her husband’s, her parents’ and in laws’ abundance and were meant to tame her down. The existence of these articles hadn’t uplifted her morals in many ways. They now appeared to burden her life and weigh her down as she wished to breathe free from the material abundance to soulful abundance. She would have preferred their time spent together more than these possessions. She detested herself for being so foolish that she rejoiced the belongings thrust upon her and that she even took pride in those in her younger days. Instead of gifting her such items if they had educated her enough, appreciated her talents, admired her skills it would have boosted her self confidence much more.

She used to be their teacher, their guide, their nurse & doctor, their cook and everything once upon a time. The tables turned with such finesse that she was awakened to a rude shock one fine day when she understood that her life was now being controlled even more than ever before. Though outwardly it appeared that she was a happy woman with all the comforts of life and all the facilities at her disposal inwardly her soul squirms at the thought of living in a cocoon after coming to an age of so called wisdom. The world of technology has suddenly given “the other generation” an upper hand over the “ageing generation”. They manipulate a lot more than what they ‘teach’ their elders. She felt victimized many a times, compromised a million times to their whims, fancies, time pressures, tech knowledge, inability to grasp things as they would want her to and to top it all – the feeling of being a burden when they extended any information or training implying it to be a favor upon her.

She is just one example but there are many many more such women like her who face this suffocated life style in the Asian society and we label it as the year to #EmbraceEquity and #DigitALL progression. My salute all such woman who are silently putting up with such scenarios and much more. One might say, why should they suffer in silence and rightly so. My answer to them would be, they are not cowards, they are brave to bear the brunt in the name of traditions, culture, society in the male dominated world.

8 thoughts on “Suffocated!

  1. This is true and well written. I commend you for writing about this and putting it out in the world. Every woman who is suffering in silence needs to read this. It is sad that some women do not even know that they are not living as freely as men are. Keep writing such brilliant pieces!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Carol. It is sad indeed.
      To answer your question, women at least must start supporting and uplifting morales of other women and become each other’s strength and stand together. It might not be a big step but it will definitely help some women to emerge from the locked doors.


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